You Are Never Responsible for Others’ Emotions - by Chelsey Luren
As a recovering people pleaser, the hardest realization to come to is that:
It’s my job to trigger people.
I’m not here to be liked.
I’m here to help you become the best version of yourself.
As a coach, helping others become their best selves means being a beacon of truth - for most, these are the truths you’ve been avoiding, but taking ownership of will ultimately set you free - and speaking those truths means a lot of people won’t (and don’t) like me.
I sent a vey truthful email newsletter last week, and it was my most unsubscribed to email ever.
Knowing that people read it, and hit ‘unsubscribe’ button stung.
Even after a decade of healing my inner people pleaser, and the need be liked - I still get tripped up.
But it’s in the moments of trip up, in the uncomfortable truths, and in the shadows we don’t want to look at, that we have access to our greatest selves.
Because without the contrast of the darkness, and the light, we simply live in a grey nothingness.
Lack of fulfillment.
A surface level life.
All of these are the results of what happens when we're not willing to experience the shadows.
Within the shadows of ourselves we have access to the lessons we need to learn, the truths we need to accept, and in turn the greatest transformation into our most aligned, fulfilled, and authentically expressed selves.
What truth have you been avoiding that with ultimately set you free?
Want to know the truth that I ran from, but led to deeper freedom when I surrendered to it? Keep reading.
Growing up, I was taught to care about what everyone thought, and to constantly be sure I’m never offending, or stumbling another person.
The hardest lesson to move through, is this truth..
The emotions of another person are never your responsibility.
Trying to manage other people’s emotions, expectations, and experiences of the world is two things:
Never your responsibility.
Let me be clear:
In no way am I advocating being unkind, tactless, or ill mannered.
I am however advocating releasing the expectation or illusion that we can control, or manage another’s experience of the world.
How someone else responds to your fullness, vibrance, authenticity, expression, or truth, is not in any way, shape or form your responsibility. Ever.
If someone is triggered by your fullness, the onus is their’s alone in the management of their emotions, their triggers, and their response to a situation.
Contrary to popular belief (especially for those who are people pleasers), here’s what you are responsible for:
Being the most expansive, vibrant, and aligned version of yourself.
Your beliefs, thoughts, feeling and emotions.
Forgiveness of yourself, and others.
Healing your triggers, and traumas.
The way you act, behave, and how you show up in the world.
These are the only things you’re able to control in life. Believing you can control another person in any way, is an illusion.
Not only that, but by deluding yourself into believing you can control another's experience, you rob the other person of their opportunity to learn the lessons that will set them free.
Choose to believe in the power of people. Set yourself free of the responsibility to control the uncontrollable, and do the work to take charge of your own life.
I’m not here to empower you - thats your job. I’m here to trigger you so you’re able to see where to heal, to hold space for you to do this work, and in turn embody the best version of yourself.
If you’re ready to step in, and embody that version of yourself, I would love to support you in that journey. I am accepting a small number of coaching clients, head here to apply, and claim your free 30 minute chat.
Keep shining your light. You’ve got this.