Breaking Through the Self Hate Cycle

Chelsey Luren Portraits - Vancouver Boudoir Photographer

Hey Everyone!

I wanted to get real with you all and share some honest truths.

Often times I find myself going through a cyclical list of destructive thoughts. It always starts off so well, and then it's all toppling dominoes from there. It goes a little something like this: 

And so it goes.

And so it goes.

This pattern of thinking is one that is SO common to creatives. I've spoken with a number of people from various different creative professions (not only boudoir photographers), and they all go through this same cycle of unhealthy, destructive thoughts.

As time went along, I began to dig further into the cycle of unhealthy, self-hating thoughts. The more I looked at it, the more I realized that it isn't JUST creatives who have this pattern. It's practically everyone. People from all walks of life, backgrounds, demographics, ages, and so on all go through this. The cycle of self-hating thoughts does not discriminate!

Vancouver boudoir photographer Chelsey Luren Portraits

Vancouver boudoir photographer Chelsey Luren Portraits

Chelsey Luren Portraits - Vancouver Boudoir Photographer - Ruby Roxx

This stream of harmful, negative thoughts ties up our self-worth in the opinions of others. If others love what we do, we feel great. If we have a critic, we turn on ourselves like Gollum, and rip ourselves to shreds. 

With time; coupled with a lot of self-care, I began to see that the only person that needed to leave feeling happy with my images is me.

My boudoir portraits are not there to be a source of an ego boost. They are not there to leave an elevated sense importance and a false confidence boost. 

Yes, I want my clients to be happy. And I do absolutely everything within my power to ensure that they are the happiest they could possibly be with my customer service. 

If I love my work, the clients I attract will be the ones who are in line with the energy that I pour into my work.


  • I give the client's boudoir photoshoot absolutely everything I've got.

  • When I love my work, I make deep connections with the women I work with. 

  • When I love my work, I put every ounce of effort and love I have into creating an unforgettable experience.

Vancouver photography studio

When my work is created from a place that is of purity and love, the people in my life and clients that I am connected with, they feel that same sense of love I put in.

No one else's input matters. No critics. No haters. 

And then I realized something. Even when I love my boudoir photography, the work isn't about me. Not even for a second. Regardless of what critics say, and how people feel about it, it doesn't matter, because NONE of it is about me.

Everything is about my subject. Making her feel confident and helping her to see the beauty that everyone sees in them everyday.

In the end, my work may not be good enough for some. But it doesn't matter. When I love my work and give it my all, that is the level my clients receive from me.

I help women. Wiping away the haze of self hate that women know all too well.

Self hate isn't a result of the size we are, or the shape our bodies are in. We're conditioned to tie the two together - that our bodies equate our worth. But it's not true.

My portraits help women to see themselves for how they really are. 

Vancouver Intimate Boudoir Photos

On Facebook, I have a private group for all of my past, present and upcoming clients where they are allowed to celebrate their beauty, embrace body positivity and revel in all things boudoir. (Ladies, feel free to hit the join button. Don't be shy!)

Today I had a woman who I've yet to meet leave one of the most heartfelt posts I've encountered. Her post perfectly sums up everything.

And on that note, I sign off here.

- XOXO, Chelsey

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